Are you using grandparents for childcare?
written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant
Childcare is a really emotive topic and one which we all need at some point or another whether it’s someone to have the children for them to go to an appointment or if it is more permanent for them to go back to work. And this is often where grandparents come in. They might offer to help or you might find yourself in the position where you ask them - either way there are a few things to consider when thinking about using grandparents (or indeed friends / other relatives) for childcare.
Here are some things to think about (let us know if you have any we can add!)
Flexibility and commitment - Are the grandparent(s) (please also read friend / family whenever I mention grandparents) going to have the flexibility and offer the commitment that you need? Grandparents (quite rightly!) have their own lives (and possibly jobs) - are they going to be available on the days and at the times you want them to be?
Finances - These need to be discussed in advance. How will things like outings /eating out etc be paid for, for example. Do you need to set a budget limit (per day perhaps)? Are the grandparents expecting to be paid something to care for the children and if so how much? All of these things need to be established very early on and certainly before anything starts.
Where are they going to care for the children? If the idea is that it will be in their own home, is this going to work for the child/ren? Is it safe - stair gates, pets, ornaments etc? Will the children have their toys etc. there? Do they have the right equipment and if not will you need to buy duplicates eg cot, changing mat, pram etc to keep there? With all of this in mind, it is often easier to have the childcare at your own house (but don’t be upset if things are moved round / tidied up etc!).
Heating / electric / food etc! Are you ready for the heating to be on / electric to be used all day when you are out? Often older people (and actually anyone who is in the house all day!) feel the cold more and so might need to have the heating on to keep warm. Grandparents will also need to eat during the day, so are you providing a meal for them? These are all extra costs that need to be factored in.
Discipline / food etc. - have a discussion and set some ground rules before you start the arrangement about what you want to happen here. This should include how and when you want your child to be disciplined, how you want certain things to be done (toilet training / weaning for example) what food you are happy for the children to have etc. This can often be a very delicate conversation and is often the cause of friction so tread carefully!
Safety / first aid - Are the grandparents ‘up to speed’ on how to care for children safely? Think about getting them to do a basic first aid for children course before they start to care for them and always make sure they have a full list of emergency contact numbers.
Capability - Consider realistically how much care grandparents are going to be able to provide - we all know how tiring it can be to care for children all day and so if you are back to work full time is this going to work? Also look at whether the grandparents have the mobility they will need to run around after the children etc.
Illnesses - What will you do when your child/ren is poorly or sent home from school / nursery etc? Consider if it is going to be OK for the grandparents to be exposed to coughs, colds, bugs etc. and if they are going to be happy to go to school / nursery etc to collect them
Relationships - Finally, consider your children’s and your own relationship with your parents - are you going to be able to keep the childcare arrangement as a separate thing to your and your children’s family relationship with them? If not, it is worth considering if this is going to be the right childcare solution for you.
If all of these questions have been answered and you are both happy to go ahead, there are a few things you can do to ensure that you are fully prepared:
Continue to have open and honest discussions and ensure that you keep lines of communication open.
Perhaps draw up a family agreement together, which covers all of the points you want to clarify - use the list above as a guide. If this is handled sensitively (and you know your parents best!) , drawing up this document can be used as a conversation starter when you first start making arrangements.
Show appreciation for your parents / parents in law - this is a pretty huge undertaking and one which will help you out massively!
While you are here why not check out our video guides on various topics including behaviour, sleep, teens and tweens and more - for information - click here We also have a podcast which includes an episode all about using grandparents for childcare - listen here!