My toddler won’t get into their car seat!
Written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant
Trying to get your little one into a car seat can often require a great deal of patience and negotiation at times! This can leave us feeling hugely frustrated, especially when we are in a hurry!
In this blog I look at why this might be happening and what things you can do to help the situation.
Why won’t they just get into the seat?!
This might be a question you ask yourself on a daily basis! In order to try and find the solutions we often need to look at the ‘why?’ Ask yourself why they are having a difficult time with this and what could be causing it?
There can be several reasons:
Feeling restricted – this is usually the main reason for little ones being resistant to getting into a car seat. If you think about it, we can often take them out of their pushchair and put them straight into the car seat, then out of the car and sometimes into a pram or perhaps a highchair – that’s a lot of time being restricted!
Feeling of car sickness – this can be something that babies through to older children can experience and it is not a nice feeling. The difficulty for babies and young children is that they don’t understand that it is a feeling that they have from the motion but associate it with the car seat and being stuck in the seat while feeling poorly. This can make them resistant to go in the seat the next time as it has those negative associations (especially if they have been sick). Do check out our blog all about car sickness for how to help with this here!
Not feeling comfortable – Check that the car seat is set up for your child’s size etc - we can forget that as they grow the straps need adjusting, but also for some seats there is additional padding that needs to be adjusted or removed as the child gets older.
Developing independence – as your little one is gaining more independence in other areas of their day they are looking for this when it comes to things like going in the car seat.
Your reaction and the attention gained from the refusal – when we are feeling stressed, our reactions can be heightened and more exaggerated than they might be if we are calm and relaxed. Often when we are trying to get into the car we just want to go to the car, put our child in and set off. If our child has other ideas this can change our approach and we can become much more ‘engaged’ with them than we might do if they just got in the seat with no problems.
What can I do?
Depending on the reason why your child might be resisting, it might depend on what you can do to help.
First and most importantly, make sure that the car seat is set up according to your child’s size and weight. Following the manufacturer’s instructions, it is important that you have adjusted straps, head supports etc so that it fits your child as they grow.
Conduct a check of the car from your little one’s perspective. By looking at the car environment you may be able to see something which is causing the resistance. It can be things such as they are getting sun in their eyes, it is too hot or too cold for them (how are the heating vents positioned for example?) - this will all impact on how they react with getting in the car. One of the things that I have found can impact is the smell of the car - having very strong air fresheners can overwhelm the senses and sometimes make little ones feel sick, which in turn can make them resistant.
If your little one has a newfound independence such as walking, climbing or wanting to do things more independently, try to provide opportunities and choice. Give some choices such as “shall I lift you into your seat or are you climbing in?”, “when you are in your seat which song would you like to have on?”, “Can you put your arms in your straps on your own?”. By giving choice and opportunity to be independent you are helping your child feel a sense of control.
Look at what is going on before the trips in the car. Provide opportunities for your little one to have some free time before getting into the car - this might be sitting and playing for a baby, or if they are older, having the opportunity to run around, play games etc. Being able to be physically free to move and play prior to being put in the car seat can help balance a child’s natural need to move and our need to get them from A to B!
For toddlers and older children, give them a task or job to do when going to the car, or once they are in the car seat. This can act as a distraction but also enables them to feel some element of control over the situation. These can be things such as “can you help me open the car and put the bags in the boot?”, “When we are in the car can you tell me the way we need to go - left, right or straight ahead?”, “Please can you look for the traffic lights and tell me the colour?” Making things a game can really help, it helps provide distraction in a situation which can be quite boring for a child.
Explain what is happening and give them a reason for why you are going in the car. Where are you going? Why can’t you walk there – is it too far etc? What are you going to do when you get there? All of this will make your child is aware and understand the need for going. Also explain that if they don’t get into their car seat and put their straps on the car can’t move, as well as why we have to put the straps on. You can do this through story books or generally when chatting in the house etc as it isn’t always going to be successful if you are trying to explain this when your little one is getting upset and frustrated.
Consider your reaction and how you can turn this around in order to encourage rather than getting into a power struggle. Our children are attention needing rather than attention seeking and often if by doing something which requires us to spend more time talking, interacting, giving eye contact will give messages to your little one that this is the way to get the attention…even if this is not positive attention. If we can notice the small things and acknowledge these so it can be “wow great walking to the car!”, “You are doing a great job of climbing in your car seat now, thank you it is really helpful.”, “Look at how quickly you have put your straps on, that means we are going to be able to get to the park even quicker now!”
Practice getting in and out of the car when you are not in a hurry. If you are able to take the pressure off you and your little one, little practices and praise can really help to get over this situation.
This can seem like a lot of things to try just to get a little one to get into their car seat but if it is a challenging aspect of the day it can be a really beneficial thing to focus on and see if you can make it better for your little one…and you!
While you are here we have lots more blogs on various topics which you can find here, as well as our downloadable webinars on topics such as behaviour and emotions, sleep and toilet training.
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