Dummies and how to help stop your child using theirs!
Written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant
Dummies are often introduced in the early days or weeks of a baby being born and there is some research to suggest that using a dummy in the first 6 months for naps and night-times could help reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). For more information on this please see the Lullaby Trust website .
As advised by the Lullaby Trust and the British Society of Paediatric Dentistry, it is however best to gently withdraw use of the dummy between 6 and 12 months – this is to avoid possible longer-term problems associated with dummy use (such as ear infections or misalignment of teeth - these problems have not been found below the age of one year). However, as many parents and carers know, this can certainly be easier said than done! We hope that this blog will give you some useful suggestions as to how to go about it.
Choose the right time
Dummies can help young children to manage stress in their lives so to stop using one can be a difficult thing for children to do. It is important not to take the dummy away from your child at a time of change such as moving to a new house, moving from cot to bed, having a new sibling, being unwell etc. The dummy will provide comfort to your child so taking it away when they are experiencing change could make it worse for them.
Look at when your child uses their dummy
If your little one is 6 months or over you can start to look at how you might want to start weaning them off the dummy. A way of doing this is looking at when your baby is using the dummy, if you only offer it when your baby is going down for a nap or for bedtimes, you will find that it will be much easier to wean them off it before 12 months (this can be followed under 6 months as well to have the healthy association of only needing it for sleep). If you are using the dummy in the day when your baby is playing etc then try to make a conscious effort to remove it during these situations and put it out of reach of both your baby/child and you! Using other techniques to entertain or soothe your baby at these times will be beneficial and help you and your baby be less dependent on their dummy for providing comfort.
Don’t rush it
Some children can be extremely dependent on their dummy so you need to wean your little one off the dummy gradually if they are using it for more than just sleep. Start slowly by using the dummy less in the daytime and limiting it to be used at certain times and in certain places e.g. at nap time or in the car. When not using the dummy, put it away in a special place (perhaps in a box), which has been chosen by your child (depending on their age) but (as above) far enough away that neither you or your child are tempted to reach for it! When looking at nap times, have the dummy in the cot ready for the nap and when your child wakes, get them to put the dummy back into the cot and leave it there. This will help them to understand that it is only for sleep times and say “put your dummy in your cot as only for bedtime” to them.
If your child is regularly asking for their dummy in the daytime look to see if there are certain times that they ask for it, such as just before a mealtime or in the lead up to a nap or bedtime. If this is the case then explain that the dummy is just for sleep time and try to offer the comfort by sitting with them having a cuddle and reading a book, maybe getting out for a walk or providing an activity which distracts them from thinking about the dummy. If your little one is bored and not distracted the dummy will become more and more of a focus for them.
Start to introduce your child to the idea of giving up their dummy by sharing some stories with them – here are some suggested books you could try:
Night-times only
Move towards just giving your child the dummy at night-time. This might be the ideal time to introduce using something like the Sleepy Tot bunny who ‘holds’ dummies so that it is easier for your child to locate their dummy in the night. The other benefit is that your child will start to get attached to the bunny itself and so once the dummies are gone, they are left with a bunny which they love even more!
Alternatively, you can look at introducing a comforter which your baby/child might already have - when getting them ready for a nap or for bedtime try to give them the comforter first (before the dummy) as part of your bedtime routine so that this starts to become the association with bedtime rather than the dummy. The routine could be something like having a story, song and cuddles with the comforter and then putting your little one into bed. Try settling them into their cot and each evening try to leave it longer and longer before giving them the dummy. Over several nights you will see that your little one will start to have other strategies for settling to sleep (even during the night) with less need for the dummy to help them settle.
I have been to many families where dummies are used and often the cot is completely full with dummies so that if the little one loses a dummy at night they can easily find another! If this is your house then you need to start to limit the number of dummies in the cot so that it is not so easy for your little one to replace it and so that they start to learn that when they wake they can resettle without needing the dummy and instead using the comforter that you have introduced.
A popular suggestion (but a word of caution)
There are lots of people suggesting on social media that by pricking the end of your child’s dummies with a pin or snipping the tips off them so that they can’t be sucked properly, will mean that your baby or toddler won’t like to suck them and will therefore naturally get rid of them. From what people are saying it does sound like this method is working, but I must give a word of caution here to say that if you do decide to do this you should bear in mind that you are giving a damaged item to a child to suck which could be dangerous - please make sure that you don’t leave your little one unattended with the broken dummy at any point to make sure that they are safe.
Saying goodbye
Once you feel that your child is ready not to have a dummy and has been coping without it for periods in the day and night, set a time and date to take it away completely.
For toddlers and older, there are various ideas you could choose from to do this including:
Hanging the dummy / dummies on a tree for the dummy fairies.
Putting the dummy / dummies in the bird feeder for the baby birds.
For children under 12 month olds, where the above suggestions are not going to work because of their level of understanding, you will need to make the decision to just go for it by removing the dummy and then offer the additional cuddles and comfort that your child might need for a few nights whilst they adjust to not having their dummy.
For some families they feel that if the dummies are taken away the fairies/birds etc leave a small gift in return to say thank you for the dummies, this is completely family choice but a soft toy can sometimes offer some comfort in replacement of the dummy.
Once you have given the dummy to the fairies / birds etc just remember to throw all of the dummies away. You don’t want your child to find a dummy she thinks the baby birds have!
No turning back!
Keep with it – as with any change the first few days can be the hardest, but it will get easier for you both to cope and soon they will forget that they ever had a dummy! Try to avoid using phrases such as “you are a big boy/girl now so don’t need your dummy” especially if your child is over 12 months as this can be difficult for them to understand. We need to empathise that this is something which has provided them with a great deal of comfort for the first months/years of their lives and so for it to be gone can be very upsetting, but if you are able to do it gradually the separation will be easier. There may be some tears but being there to offer comfort and reassurance will help them get through this important transition. If it is done gradually it should only be a day or two where your little one is working out how things are done without the dummy!
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