My child keeps getting out of bed…help!
Written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant
Has your child recently moved from a cot to a bed, and now keeps getting up to come and find you? This can be a very common situation that parents find themselves in - often a child can go from sleeping well in their cot to being awake several times per night and refusing to stay in their bed!
There can be lots of reasons why your little one has taken to waking in the night needing help and support to get back to sleep….(or it might be that they like to get into bed with you and then go straight back to sleep! ;-))
If your child has been going to bed well, or sleeping well at night to suddenly waking up, it is important to look for the trigger - is there something which is causing these wake ups? If you can look at all the reasons why this might be happening it will be easier to find how to help.
If we aren’t able to get to the root of the issue, then we aren’t always going to use the right methods to get sleep back on track.
Things which can trigger wake ups:
Recently moved from a cot to a bed
Change such as moving house, new sibling, starting nursery etc.
Illness causing a change in sleep pattern, or they have spent time where they were with you at night so that you could keep an eye on them while they are poorly (which are all absolutely natural and normal things which happen during illness).
Separation anxiety
Scared of the dark, monsters, shadows etc
Recently potty trained
The trigger can be very individual for each child and family so it is looking at what this might be for your child.
As a child (around 6 years old) I went through a stage of waking every night, being very distressed and my parents didn’t have any idea what to do…they tried lots of things, even taking me to the doctors. I remember this time and I remember worrying about leaving my parents to go away with my aunt, uncle and cousin for a couple of days on holiday. I couldn’t articulate this to my parents, but it was genuine worry which caused the first few disturbed nights, and after this it become a habit as my sleep pattern had become so disrupted. It took lots of reassurance and a consistent approach to get me back into a good sleep pattern, but they got there and harmony was restored! They will still talk about this time as it was so hard on them due to the sleep disruption, and I remember it too!
What can you do to help?
Start with a good bedtime routine and ensure that bedtime is at the right time for your child, their age/stage. Always follow the same routine of bath/shower, stories etc and then the same good-night phrase which explains that it is night-time, they are loved and that you will see them in the morning. This all helps to provide consistency and reassurance when it comes to sleep.
If your child is still napping then look at if your child is having the right amount of naps in the day for their age or needs and if these are at the right time of the day and for the right length of time. Wake up, nap and bedtimes can all impact on overnight sleep, so they need to be adjusting according to your child’s needs.
Talk through bedtime and then what happens in the morning. You can start this from a young age so that your child really understands what’s happening. Providing running commentary means that your child knows what to expect and helps them to feel safe and secure.
Talk to your child about sleeping during the day (away from bedtime). This can be about bedtime and how they need to sleep in their bed etc. This can also help to find out what might be triggering the wakes as the conversation isn’t happening at bedtime which might be a difficult time for them.
Having or drawing a visual timetable of what happens at bedtime (bath, teeth, stories, cuddles, in bed, sleep all night) and the wake up in the morning can help your child visualise the routine but also be involved by ticking it off or just referring to it, not always relying on you explaining. Children often thrive from seeing things visually.
Keep consistent and calm – when we are tired and exhausted we can often do what we need to do in order to get some sleep. It might be that you let your little one sleep with you, or you have a mattress to sleep on in their room. This is absolutely fine if this works for you and for your little one – it is only an issue if it is an issue for you and/or your child. But if this doesn’t feel right or is not working for you or your child then it is looking at finding an approach which does, but this needs to be consistent! If things change from night to night this will confuse your child and then potentially mean that they become more unsettled in the night as they don’t know what to expect.
Don’t make it a fun or a game. This can be confusing for your child becuase they don’t know what the boundaries are which can be upsetting for them (and can often lead to more wake ups as they don’t know what to expect).
If your little one is saying that they don’t like the dark then you can introduce a night light but it is important that this is a red or amber glow (avoid blue, white or yellow as these can affect sleep). Do check out our blog on being scared of the dark as this might help too!
If your child is saying that they are scared or worried about something offer to help them with this, talk it through with them, offer reassurance and try to help reduce the worry before bedtime. We do also have a blog about being scared which might have some helpful hints and tips!
Putting a stair gate at your child’s bedroom door can help, this will help you to know that they are not able to wander around the house at night, but bear in mind that for some children this can be very distressing and frustrating if they are not used to it.
Using a bed guard can help some children feel more secure especially if they have recently moved from a cot to a bed - losing the security of the bars around them can mean that they don’t like the feeling. Using bed guards can sometimes help with the transition and provide that security they might need. Check out our cot to bed blog which includes links to various bed guard options.
For some children it can work to offer a reward system for staying their bed all night. This will depend on their age, but introducing things such as a lucky dip bag (putting in small toys (age appropriate) which you have wrapped that they can choose from in the morning), sleep fairy (visits at night to see if they have stayed in their bed all night - if they have then she/he leaves a little gift or prize for them in the morning), and then there are reward charts (for sleeping in their own bed all night) - as with any reward charts it is important it is only used for one aspect such as sleeping in their bed all night and that this is achievable for them. We do have a blog all on reward charts and how it is important to use them carefully.
Does your little one have lots of requests as they are going to sleep or during the night? Things such as needing the toilet, thirsty, hot/cold, one more story etc. Where possible try to pre-empt what might be asked for - have a drink available so that you don’t need to go and get it, always encourage a last wee before getting into bed etc., so that you are covering off the requests. This also comes back to a good predictable bedtime routine where you have boundaries in relation to the number of stories etc – try to be consistent with this.
If you have a little one who likes to come through and get into bed with you at night, but this is not working for your child or you, then you need to be aware of when your little one is coming into you and getting into bed. Often parents say that they didn’t even notice their little one coming into bed with them. If you are looking to get your little one to sleep in their own bed then you need to be aware of when they come in so that you can turn them round and return them to their own bed. Some people find it helpful to have a stairgate on their child’s door, others say about a bell on the door handle so that when your little one pushes their door you hear the bell and can get up to support them going back to their own bed.
This can be a tricky time, especially if you are used to your little one sleeping well and then suddenly you are up several times a night. As I mentioned previously, it is only an issue if it is an issue for you, if it is working for you and your little one for them to be in your bed or for you to be sleeping in their room then go with it, it is completely about what works for you and your family. However, if you are all struggling, and it doesn’t feel like it is working then look to make some changes. It always comes back to being as consistent, calm and reassuring as possible and things should get back on track.
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