Is your baby ‘sleeping like a baby’…?
Written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant
**If you don’t have time to read the whole article right now (or are just too tired!) skip straight to the end of the blog where I have written a handy checklist to help you establish good sleep habits for your baby.**
What does ‘sleeping like a baby’ actually mean? The way that this phrase is used suggests that a baby who ‘sleeps like a baby’ is sleeping soundly straight through the night until the morning, but we all know that this is very often not the case for babies, particularly in the early days! Our first in a series of 3 sleep blogs this month is for all those (sleep deprived!) parents with babies under the age of 6 months, but you will be pleased to know that that some of the hints, tricks and top tips can also be used for older babies who are having trouble sleeping.
These first months with your baby are possibly the time when you as a parent will experience sleep deprivation more than any other time in your life. It won’t surprise you to hear that sleep deprivation is actually used as a form of torture(!) – it can make going about your normal life feel difficult, overwhelming and downright exhausting. This blog isn’t going to give you a magic strategy to get a full night’s sleep - babies are designed to wake through the night, either because they need food or because of their sleep patterns - but hopefully it will help you on your way to getting at least some sleep! This is also not about sleep training as this is not something that I advocate, but, I do believe in supporting babies and young children in their development, and sleep is a vital part of this.
Creating good sleep habits for life
The first 12 months of a baby’s life are when you need to work on creating good sleep habits for them. Any habits you create at this stage will lay down the foundations for sleep throughout their life! We need to look at helping our children to sleep in the same way that we view all of our children’s developmental needs. You would give your baby all they need in order to help them roll over, smile, sit up etc and sleep is no different. Babies need our help to guide them in achieving good quality sleep by having good sleep habits.
Breaking the habits
These early months of our child’s life are commonly where we start to create ‘bad habits’ which can lead on to challenges with sleep as your child gets older. These challenges can be things like frequent night wakings, not due to hunger or because anything is wrong, but due to their need to be resettled as they have not gained the skills to be able to do this themselves when they come out of one sleep cycle and transition into the next.
It is easy to get into the habit of helping your baby to fall back to sleep by feeding, rocking, cuddling, sleeping next to them, taking them out in the car for a drive or walking with them in the pram in the middle of the night. We then transfer them to where they sleep with a stealth like approach so as not to wake them! Whilst this works in the short term, it will have an impact in the long term. I like to describe it as being like when you go to bed you will have your pillow and duvet and you will snuggle in and position these things in a way that helps you drift off to sleep. If in the middle of the night you woke up to find that your pillow had gone, would you just roll over and go back to sleep? No, you would wake up a bit more to look around to find your pillow in order to reposition it so that you could go back to sleep. If you feed, rock, cuddle, drive or push your little one to sleep then this is the same comfort to your baby as the pillow is to you. In the middle of the night when they wake up, they are looking for you in order to settle them so that they can go back to sleep. These are called ‘sleep associations’.
You need to ask yourself whether you are happy to create these sort of sleep associations? If you are, then you need to be prepared that you will be doing this night after night, for what could be years - think about how long you have needed to have a pillow to sleep with….! However, if you don’t want to continue with this for years to come then you need to create more manageable and appropriate sleep associations.
Remember, all methods and sleep associations that you use for bedtime and in the middle of the night need to be used for the daytime naps as well. Consistency is key!
Creating positive sleep associations.
Have a clear bedtime routine which you (and anyone else who puts baby to bed) follow each night. This can be a massage, getting dressed for bed, having a story etc, but when it comes to putting your little one down, try to make sure that they are not fully asleep (they can be dozy or actually awake) and then have a phrase that you say or part of a song that you sing every time that you put them in the cot. This phrase or part of a song will then work as their sleep association and they will be able to settle down (day or night) and develop their own strategy for how to settle to sleep. They will associate the saying or part of a song as a trigger to knowing that it is time for sleep and this will help them to pre-empt what happens next.
Remember, our babies are not on timers and can’t tell the time so they are relying on us to be able to guide and support them through these processes. Some babies will babble to themselves, others will lie there for a couple of minutes wide awake then drift off, others will make sounds which help them to self sooth – this is not however crying (I would never advocate a baby crying themselves to sleep) there is no need for this as it is about helping them to find their own method of settling themselves. You know your child and you will know if they are upset and need to be comforted or if they are just making sounds which are their way of getting themselves to sleep.
White noise
Using white noise to settle a baby to sleep has become more and more popular. This can be something that is helpful in households where there is lots of noise (older children, noisy pipes/boilers etc) or with a baby who is very light sleeper and who wakes to very small sounds. If you are using a white noise machine, make sure that it is good quality and has been designed to ensure that the pitch and volume is suitable for a baby’s ear sensitivity. If you want to use white noise to help your baby sleep then you need to be using this at nap times and overnight, and, if you travel, then you will need to take it with you. If you want more information about this have a look at our blog on white noise here.
Setting your baby’s body clock:
Babies will start to develop recognition of the difference between night and day from as young as 6 weeks old - this can be supported by the routines that you put in place from these early stages.
When waking up in the morning, try to aim for a similar time each morning. This can vary depending on your routine - 6am might work for some families, whereas 7am might work better for others. It is also worth looking at what time you would like your baby to go to bed at night. For example, if your partner is working and not getting home until 6.30pm, then a 7.30pm bedtime might work better than 6.30/7pm. You should then have approximately 11-12 hours from your baby going to sleep to them waking up in the morning - it is important to try and keep these two times as consistent as possible.
By setting these times you are starting to set your baby’s body clock and helping them to differentiate between night time and day time. For those morning wake ups, once it is time, try to flood the room with daylight or switch on the lights. You want to indicate to your baby that this is the start of the day so that they release their ‘wake up hormones’ (yes they are actually a thing!). The more natural daylight that you can expose your baby to along with fresh air (getting out for at least 30 mins per day) the better quality and quantity of sleep your baby is likely to have. Alternatively, in the evening you should to create a completely dark room (if possible, use black out blinds and curtains all year round). You should carry out your bedtime routine in a darkened room with low lights but make sure that you and your baby can see…! It doesn’t need to be blackout dark when you are going through the bedtime routine – that will make it difficult for you all!!
Naps
When developing good sleep habits at night we need to look at the nap times as well. What you create with your bedtime routine needs to be replicated in the daytime with naps to some extent. This can be aiming to have at least one nap per day in the moses basket / crib / cot so that your baby understands this is where they sleep, but it also gives them the opportunity to practice what you are teaching them, including settling to sleep without your intervention (motion, feeding etc) and going into their own sleep space and settling themselves off to sleep.
Follow all the same rules as you have established when putting baby to bed at night. If your little one is struggling with sleep in the day, try to darken the room they are in and use sleep associations such as putting them in their sleeping bag to act as sleep cues and always use the same phrase or part of the song as you would if settling to bed at night.
If your baby regularly wakes after 30 minutes you may want to look at helping them to transition to their next stage of sleep (often 30 mins is not enough for them to be fully rested – it might seem like they are wide wake but are actually still tired and will continue this pattern of 30 minute naps through the day). Go in at around the 25 minute mark, put your hand on their tummy or back and gently “shhh”. If you start to see them stirring this will hopefully help to transition them through to their next sleep cycle. Gradually you will find that you are doing this less and less and your baby is sleeping longer!
4 month sleep regression….is actually progression
There are a great deal of articles out there which talk about the 4 month sleep regression. It might feel like your baby is going backwards with their sleep as they are waking more frequently and you are having to spend time resettling etc, but you need to see this as progression rather than regression! Around this time your baby is changing their sleep pattern so they are going slightly longer in their sleep cycle but also maturing in their pattern of sleep. This means that they are starting to have a deep sleep at the start of their cycle where they are sleeping solidly for 3- 4 hours but then are waking frequently from that time on.
This is a completely normal sleep pattern and we all follow this, but what you need to be able to teach your baby to do is to resettle themselves at those times when they wake (it can be very briefly) and go back off to sleep. This is where the sleep associations are a key part of supporting your baby through this developmental leap. If your baby has good sleep associations and is able to settle themselves when going to bed (i.e. is not rocked, cuddled, or fed to get to sleep) then in the middle of the night they are more likely to move through the 4 month sleep progression phase much more easily as you will have given them the strategies for settling back off themselves rather than looking for an adult to do this for them.
Your good sleep habit checklist:
Create a sleeping environment which is clear of all toys, light shows or mobiles. Your baby needs to be able to go into their moses basket, crib or cot and know that this is where they sleep. It needs to be calming and free of distractions.
ALWAYS follow the Lullaby Trust Safer Sleep guidelines – use a firm, waterproof and flat mattress, make sure baby is placed on their back, feet to foot in a cot or moses basket clear of anything except the baby (eg no cot bumpers, toys etc). If baby has started to roll and can do this competently then this means that they are able to manage this in their sleep. If they are getting into this position and are not able to get themselves back then you need to put them back onto their back until they have achieved this.
Remember that sleeping outside (in appropriate clothing and a safe environment) is hugely beneficial for babies and young children. It promotes a better quality of sleep at night and also helps with immunity.
Your baby is going to be sleeping in your room until they are 6 months, so think about the light in the room – for example, have you got blackout blinds? Alternatively, if you have made the decision for your baby to nap in their own bedroom or to sleep in their own room at night, again think about the light in the room. If you are using a nightlight make sure that this is red, pink or orange – don’t use blue or yellow as these colours trick the body into thinking it is daylight and can hinder the release of bedtime / sleep hormones. There are some suggestions of good nightlights here.
Your bath and bedtime routine needs to be appropriate to your family situation, but the key is that it is consistent and not too short (but not too long either!). Incorporating a bath into your routine each night can help to relax your baby into the next part of the routine and it also helps to trigger the release of their sleep hormones. Ideally you are looking that from the point of your baby getting out of the bath, there is maybe a massage, getting dressed, stories and / or song and a bedtime breast feed / bottle. This routine should not take longer than 30 mins until the point of putting baby into their moses basket / crib / cot.
Look for sleep cues, don’t let your little one get overtired as this means that they often are harder to settle and will tend to wake more in the night as they are not able to switch off. If you can see them getting tired then you need to bring the routine forward so that you are putting them in bed before they are past the point of being tired and are now fractious and overtired. Look for signs like baby staring into space, rubbing their eyes, yawning or generally just being quieter. Some babies will even look away from you or their toys etc as they are being overstimulated and unable to take in any more. If your baby is tired then go with this, often people think that if they reduce sleep in the day then baby will sleep better at night – this is absolutely not the case as it leads to your baby being overtired - often baby is described as not wanting to miss out on something or one who just doesn’t need much sleep. This is very often not the case - all of us need sleep to repair and restore!
Use your chosen sleep association – a sentence or part of a song that you will use every time your baby goes to bed, whether for a nap in the day or at night time.
If your little one needs some help to settle, then put your hand on their tummy/chest and gently “shhhh” – this provides reassurance that you are there and very often this is enough to help them just to go off to sleep. Avoid too much movement such as patting or stroking etc as this can act as a stimulant and can create another sleep association for your baby. A hand on their tummy or back for just a couple of minutes can just offer enough reassurance that you are close so that they are able to self-settle and drift off to sleep.
If your baby is waking through the night don’t rush to them or pick them up as soon as they make a noise. Just wait and listen - very often it is a brief waking and your baby will quickly settle themselves back off - if you jump in with settling them you can wake them more and then they don’t learn to resettle themselves. Give your baby a minute or two just to see if they settle back off. If they don’t (and they don’t need a feed and aren’t unwell) then, as above, try putting your hand on their tummy/back and gently shhh to see if they will resettle.
We hope that you have found this blog about creating good sleep habits for babies helpful and that you (and your baby) start to get a bit more sleep soon! These things don’t happen overnight though - remember that your baby is developing their body clock and establishing the difference between day and night. Investing the time in creating those good habits will all be worth it - there are no quick fixes when you are developing good sleep habits for a lifetime!
Our next blog in this sleep series will be all about early risers!
While you are here we have lots more blogs on various topics which you can find here, as well as our downloadable webinars on topics such as behaviour and emotions, sleep and toilet training.
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