How to help your child prepare for starting school!
Written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant
Preparing your child, and you, for starting school can be a time which triggers a number of different emotions in both children and adults. We need to appreciate that these emotions are natural and normal and we need to acknowledge how they might be making us feel as well as how they are making us behave. The emotions we might feel can range from excitement and happiness through to apprehension, confusion or anxiety.
Some children could not be more excited and have no worries about going to school, but I would still try to prepare them with some of the ideas below as these will help all children with the adjustment. Other children aren’t as excited as we would hope and can be feeling worried or anxious. We want our children to know that they can talk to us about how they are feeling as this means that we can give them strategies to help with their specific worries.
Making sense of it all!
Firstly, and most importantly we need to help our children make sense of what is happening. We can often introduce the concept of going to school as being something very exciting and there can be lots of talk about being a ‘big boy/girl’, going to ‘big school’, having to saying goodbye to nursery, having a new uniform, new teacher and friends etc. Our children don’t know that this a normal timeline that everyone follows, they don’t have the information or knowledge and so we need to make sure that we explain why this happens, what to expect and answer any of their questions about what is going on. However, remember that they can’t always ask questions about the situation when they have no idea what is going to happen or what they are to expect!
Imagine what it is like starting a new job and how you feel, but then take away your adult knowledge and your logical brain. If you had no idea what to expect and everything was completely new you would have a whole range of emotions and questions and this can be the same for our children and starting school.
In the lead up to starting school:
Talk about all the things that are going to stay the same. When experiencing change and not always understanding what this actually means, can lead to your child thinking that everything will be different. You want to offer reassurance about things such as if there will there be friends that they know from nursery?; who will be picking them up from school?; will they be home and have time to play before dinner?; can they still go to the park if the weather is good? etc. If they are confident with the things which will remain the same, it will help them to cope with the change of starting school.
Don’t be afraid of using emotional language so it’s good to say things like “when I went to school for the first time I had a funny feeling in my tummy and it was a little bit of excitement, a little bit of worry, a little bit of being scared, but when I got there I did painting/drawing/playing in the playground. The sandpit/home corner/playground was my favourite part, I wonder what your favourite part will be?”. Allow for those emotions to be shared (your child knowing that you had feelings too will help them to open up about theirs), acknowledge that it is normal and ok for them to feel this way and then look to find what might help with these feelings such finding familiar things to nursery or home.
If you child has a particular worry (having an accident, not liking the food, not having friends) then talk to them about this worry and see how to find a solution with them. It is important to do this with your child so that it helps them with problem solving both now and in the future. If there are things that you are concerned about, then do speak to your child’s teacher so that they are aware - it will help both you and your child if the teacher has an awareness of the worry and can support where needed.
Talk about school - explain things like the toilets or what a ‘headteacher’ is, or that there are going to be children who are coming from different nurseries and some of them might like the same things as your child and that they can make new friends, which is really exciting!. Use your child’s teacher name so that this becomes something familiar and normal.
Practice the school run so that your child knows what to expect. Do this journey a couple of times before and spend some time outside of the school talking about the door that they will go in, the playground where they will play etc. Also, this can help you to know how long it is going to take you to so you can plan for this.
Run through the school day, explaining things like drop off (are there bells which ring – if so explain this so that it isn’t a surprise or a shock!) and then talk about what they will do in the classroom, then things like playtime and lunchtime and what will happen when you pick them up. It is important not to assume that if your child went to nursery that they will be absolutely fine with school, for some children it can be the change of environment and change in people/expectations/routine etc which can be unsettling.
Help them to practice some practical skills such as getting dressed, wiping their own bottom when using the toilet, putting their shoes on etc. It is important to practice these things with their school uniform on as this is going to be different to their normal clothes, so make sure that they feel comfortable with doing buttons, zips, Velcro etc.
Show your little one photos of you and other family members in their school uniform and talking about what you did at school. Our children look at us as their role models so seeing that you have been to school as well can help them to know that it is not just them that has to do it.
Having a summer of being more relaxed can lead to later, more relaxed mornings or slightly later nights. In the week before starting school try to get back into a routine with waking up at the same time every morning, having a predictable bedtime routine and then regular mealtimes. This will all help your child adjust to the routine of school.
In those first few weeks after starting :
Make plans for after school and at weekends so that there are things to look forward to and they understand that they are not going to be at school ALL THE TIME! These don’t need to be big things, but can be simple things such as making a special snack when they get home, playing a certain game that they want to play, going to a park that they particularly enjoy etc.
Try to make the mornings before school calm preparing bags, packed lunches, laying out uniform, setting out breakfast etc the night before so that you have time to spend with your little one and not feel like it is rushed or stressful as this will only heighten the emotions you and your little one will be experiencing in those first few weeks of school.
Give your child something visual to help them know you are thinking of them throughout the day. One idea is to draw a love heart on each of your wrists and then, as you are saying good bye, put your wrists together to ‘power them up’. Let them know that if they touch it during the day they will know you are thinking of them. Alternatively you could attach (sew) something to the inside of their pocket (a piece of material for example) for them to touch during the day or put a photograph of your family in their bag so that they can look at it if they want to feel close to you.
Try to avoid a long drawn out drop off as this can cause more upset, but always say good-bye and that you will see them later. On picking them up try to have lots of smiles (even if you are not always greeted in the same way) as this helps them start to adjust to being back with you. Sometimes we can find that they are really grumpy on pick up (some, not all) - this can be due to a build up of emotions that they might have been experiencing through the day and it is a really positive sign that they feel safe to be able to release these emotions with you.
Avoid bombarding with questions or statements both before starting school and when picking your little one up. They might not want to answer lots of questions as it can be overwhelming for them and often you will be greeted with “I don’t know” “can’t remember”. Think about the time that you ask questions - it might be when they are having dinner or even when they are in the bath. Also look at changing the questions you ask such as “What made you smile today?”, “what was your favourite part of the day?”, “What game did you play at playtime?”.
Be prepared that they might be more tired than normal so avoid making the afternoons or weekends too busy in the first few weeks/months so that it gives your child time to have some down time but also have time at home. It’s like us - after a busy week at work we often want to have a quiet weekend and just have time at home, this can be the same for our children.
Having a small snack and drink ready when your child comes out of school can work well for some children as they can be very hungry and thirsty. This can also help to get those energy levels back up before it is time for dinner and bedtime.
Starting school is a natural part of our child’s development, but it can be a big change for them which can take some adjusting to. A really useful thing to do is take a few moments to consider what your little one might be experiencing and then work with them to find solutions, or offer them reassurance about what is happening.
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